Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings gave elves a much-needed makeover, swapping pointy ears and bell-ended shoes for bulging crotches, dashing swordplay and ethereal, homoerotic banter.

The rather apologetic slogan 'Not as mild as you might think' might have worked for Leerdammer if the new ad wasn't limper than a neutered oyster.

Turning men into trees so you can steal their cheese might pass for edgy in Rivendell, but nowadays we expect our elfin brethren to look like Orlando Bloom, shoot arrows and quips with equally gay abandon and happy-slap orcs like unruly teens on the Mordor Estate.

Leerdammer's effort, resembling a leprechaun minus the alcoholism, is all a bit... well, mild. He could use a good, hard stint in Santa's sweatshop to toughen him up a bit and should swap the 'magic' flute for an MP3-playing crack pipe.

Shame, really, as the cheese is rather good.

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