Ian McShane's journey from mullet-topped antique peddler Lovejoy to aptly-named Deadwood foul-mouth Al Swearengen is one of TV's great rebirths. Sadly for Tim Lovejoy, and us, he will always be Tim Lovejoy.

To footballing neophytes the former Soccer AM host is an inoffensive non-entity. To others he's the antichrist in a Chelsea shirt; the archetypal armchair Johnny-come-lately that embodies Sky's insidious influence on the people's game.

In his debut as Giovanni Rana's public face, Lovejoy's mugging man-child dupes an Italian stunna into cooking him dinner. They spark off one another's woodenness, each jousting to deliver the most unconvincing line readings.

Yet the message comes across well enough. Pasta is quick and easy to cook, and may help men missing the charisma chromosome to have sex with ludicrously unattainable women.

It will sell in the millions.

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