Most people are in favour of humane treatment for animals but the pro-veg lobby does itself few favours with the sort of pronouncement made last month by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). The body squandered decades of credibility-gathering by the animal welfare movement by urging Ben & Jerry’s (these days owned by famously touchy-feely corporate leviathan Unilever) to switch to using human milk – echoing the maternal wisdom that “breast is best”. Maybe they were joking. (You never can tell with these tree-hugging Commie types.)

Anyway, B&J did the equivalent of politely averting its eyes from a woman breast-feeding on the Tube, good-naturedly applauding PETA for its “novel approach” but underlining its view that “a mother’s milk is best used for her child” – depriving food journalists of countless cheap puns about Raspberry Nipple and Titty-Frutti flavour ice creams. Although that didn’t stop some publications, clearly.

Either way, it’s presumably only a matter of time until PETA recommends human cannibalism as a way of protecting cattle; expect Unilever to rush out a suntan lotion with a hint of garlic not long after.

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