This is a cry for help. How do you stop big multinational food clients killing every PR idea stone cold dead? (Usually via a hatchet-faced legal counsel in Boise, Idaho, or somewhere similar). Reach for the stars, we say. OK they say, but you must include a 43-point reaching disclaimer in your copy at all times. You can be what you really want! Well, best not to promise that. Just say you can be what you are at the moment, but a bit older.

PR would be alright if it wasn’t for the clients and their helpful suggestions about their feeble brands. Missing the point with her customary ease, Karoline (with a K) suggests that Puff & Fluff wouldn’t exist without clients. “You wouldn’t have a job,” she says. “Or such an interesting array of potential partners.” I nearly choke on my lemon juice and maple syrup.

There is evidence of campaign success elsewhere. We’ve been spitting with jealousy about Change4Life for the past three years, not because of the work, but because of the fees. At one stage, our Newman Street rivals were supposed to be raking in £45,000 a month to promote this patronising guff. However - good news, it is clearly worth every penny - because Greggs sales are down. If this triumph continues, there could be another 1,671 empty shops for Mary Pointless to fill.

If they are all filled by Waitrose there will be a house price boom and the recession will be over. Not. In the PR coup of the week, having a Waitrose nearby is supposed to make your house worth 50% more. It’s like saying that a wine bar near a PR agency increases drinking. Nonsense. Though it does make it closer and easier.