The metrosexualisation of masculinity has dropped off a bit since Milk Tray Man began his breaking and entering spree in 1968.

These days, adland’s on-screen fellas are mainly dopey, hapless types, losing at board games or flogging broadband.

Fortunately, HP has come to the rescue, promoting itself as a ‘Sauce of Manliness’. Or maybe not. Our besuited Napoleon stomps around issuing blokey diktats to feckless types as they labour over tasks such as DIY, moustache growing and, er, cupboard ownership.

The final command is, of course, that man shalt splatter his bacon sarnie with HP. If the UK’s men really are as feeble as this, mankind is surely doomed - but at least the sauce could be saved.