Last week The Grocer revealed how those ‘scripted reality’ shows are turning us into a nation of tan fakers, as we copy our idols from Geordie Pond Life and The Only Brain Cell In Essex.

Given that everything good in life is actually bad for us, perhaps it was inevitable the proverbial ‘health timebomb’ should be ticking away.

It turns out that a chemical used in some fake tans lowers the metabolism and makes people store up vast reserves of body fat.

At least it’ll save time for most of us, offering a sort of one-stop shop for looking awful, without forcing us to go through the tedious business of stuffing calories down our teak-streaked necks.

Considering the price of a real tan is skin cancer, perhaps being a pastey shade of white will become the in thing.

Until the government brings in a ‘pastey tax’, that is.