Mums ditching their toddlers. Barbers downing razors to leave chins half-shaved.

Mass hysteria has gripped whichever dismal corner of The North it is that forms the setting for Warburtons’ new ad, which plays like an even lower-budget version of the M Night Shyamalan movie about the trees that make people top themselves through the deadly use of unconvincing CGI.

Why are seemingly normal folk stumbling, zombie-like, towards the Warburtons factory gates? And who cares?

It’s as if Martians have landed and are handing out free probings to the first 100 nutters. But no. It’s the amazing taste of bread luring the lemmings, in the biggest letdown since the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.