Selfridges blithely danced into the ballroom of self-parody this week, with news it is to open a ‘water cocktail bar’.

‘Water sommeliers’ will offer a selection of the world’s finest H2O, the most expensive being a Japanese drop that costs £150 and comes in - always a sign of good taste, this - a Swarovski-studded bottle. Class, quite literally, in a glass.