Praise be for Grant Shapps, the minister who came up with the bright idea of towns vying to become Portas pilots via YouTube videos.
Among many entries deserving mention is the one from Maryport, the Cumbrian town so convinced it is bound to win, if only because of the name, it has decided to kick off with the views of some women in curlers. As one of the 157 viewers (154 of those were Bogof) puts it: “Words can’t describe it. If you leave this video here it will do more harm than good.”
Altrincham, on the other hand, may have a hit on their hands, after hiring a Hugh Laurie lookalike to give a post-peak New Order sound to its bid, forlornly pounding the streets asking simply “why?”
Others stick to tradition, however. Margate, already much improved according to the Queen of Knickers, enters a live rendition of Daaahn to Margit.