Tesco was this week ramping up its offer in the crucial ‘talent-free wash out’ category after the news that reality TV also-ran Keith Jack is kicking off his UK concert tour at the supermarket’s venerated Dalkeith branch. Jack, a finalist in the BBC’s Any Dream Will Do talent contest and – perhaps more impressively – a former Tesco employee in Dalkeith, will be donning the prestigious blue-and-white Tesco livery for sections of his show, apparently to thank ex-colleagues for their support (and perhaps also for covering his shelf-stacking shifts while he was on TV).

“One of the best moments in my life will be seeing my face staring back at me from the shelves at the Tesco where I used to work,” Jack gushed, capturing the euphoria that is a daily experience for Captain Birdseye, Uncle Ben and the Quaker Oats man. Jack will be touring Tesco stores north of the border as part of his big promotional push, although it is unknown whether he will be available to help out on the tills in the event of a sudden rush.

Meanwhile, rumours that Amy Winehouse is planning a gig at the Camden branch of Superdrug have yet to be confirmed.