Tesco's recent Chinese ­junket for analysts was by all accounts a jolly affair, not least because City ­doyen Philip Dorgan chose the event to celebrate his half century.

The wags in the Cheshunt investor relations corps used the trip's closing bash in Shanghai to present Dorgan with the gift of not one but two lovingly wrapped, garishly-coloured nylon toilet seat covers, acquired at the local Tesco hyper. "That's what I call a bogof," quipped ­fellow pundit Clive Black, quick as a flash.