Remember when J-Lo was famous?
When she was the talented half of Bennifer, the ultimate Hollywood glamour couple. Before every second X Factor reject had her own catchy three-letter acronym.
And before Beyoncé bested her as derrière extraordinaire, when Lopez boasted a backside so stellar, tabloids needed the Hubble telescope for an up-skirt shot.
Recalled from semi-retirement like Tigris of Gaul in Gladiator, Jenny From The Block is cast as another Roman icon the goddess of feminine hygiene as Gillette Venus rumbles back on to screens.
The Romans didn’t go in for reincarnation, preferring their dead to gambol in the fields of Elysium with their ancient ancestors. Lopez has bounced back from the death of her career with legs smoother than ever and a lambada-themed Euro-bop dance hit.
Like the original Venus de Milo, these days she’s mostly ‘armless.
More from this column