Talking of hokum research, a survey for brandy brand Three Barrels this week listed the 50 things that make people happiest. It didn’t appear on the list.

It was bad news for food and drinks companies all round. Chocolate was the top representative of our trade at 29, a place ahead of ‘eating cake’ at 30.Just a couple of places lower, however, was ‘someone telling you you’ve lost weight’, showing the deeply contradictory nature of our desires. Sometimes people want to have their cake and, er, lose it.