It's one of those blood-curdling ideas that might make perfect sense on paper, but in practice feels as natural as grafting a poodle's head to the body of a gorilla only less fun.

Tesco is entering the movie business. Yes. And the debut of its JV with Amber Productions will be a Jackie Collins adaptation called Paris Connections.

It's based on her book LA Connections, but Tesco felt Paris was a more "glamorous location to film in". Why they didn't opt for Cheshunt Connections we'll never know.