Bad news for grocers this week, as the food trade faces its latest nemesis – no, not Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, but a new diet pill that ‘trains’ your body to want less grub. Appesat is not the deliciously-refreshing-juice-drink-that’s-also-a-laxative it sounds, but a gut-busting miracle cure with the power to instantly transform you from a wheezing mound of cellulite into a hard-bodied supermodel.

Like all the best things in life, it’s formed from nutritious seaweed extract (yum!) and expands in the stomach to give you that ‘full up’ feeling – rather like swallowing a tampon. Soon to go on sale in Boots and the spiritual home of all things seaweed-extracty, Holland & Barrett, it’s not clear whether the product will appeal more to H&B’s legions of rake-thin ex-hippies or the creatine-chugging weight-gain wannabes that together comprise its key demographic.

More surprisingly, it will also be available in Sainsbury's and Tesco, which you wouldn’t think had much to gain by turning loyal-spending fatties into size-zero pill-poppers.