Jamie Oliver, fast becoming a permanent fixture in this column, this week gave the crunch-tastic nation a rare morale-booster by vowing to retire if his campaign to steer Brits away from junk food fails. Oliver hopes – perhaps ambitiously – to reverse decades of junk-food dependence with his new Ministry of Food television show, which begins with him visiting a Rotherham mum who’s never cooked.

So for all those gagging to see the back of the mockney chef, it’s time you redoubled your efforts at peddling junk food.