Any reader short enough of meaning to their life to have studied my rather erratic behaviour over the past year or so may have rightly concluded there is Irish blood running in the Pumsey veins. And it was indeed visiting the ancestral seat of the O'Pummeseys in Co Limerick that it occurred to me that I might make my State of the Retail Nation address this week in poetic form. There once was a scouser called Terry Whose Christmas turned out less than merry His new Fresh & Easy Made fat Yankees queasy So was it successful? Not very! While that ginger supremo called Bond Of schmoozing with hacks grew quite fond But the ungrateful swine Swapped their Asda mulled wine For a jolly with Tel 'cross the Pond! Now as for King Justin, his bankers Have pulled up their corporate anchors So his retail safaris With dodgy Qataris Have made the whole lot look like... twits Meanwhile, what future for Ken? Well, here is your starter for 10 Once his protégé Bolland Buggers back to Holland Just how long till he's in charge again? Now at Christmas, there's nothing so nice As a mince pie with Markup de Price? But at Waitrose, I fear It's all far too dear So it's Aldi for me in a trice!