The paper was frothing at the mouth like a cow with BSE over the news that a third cloned animal had supposedly entered the food chain, meaning the ubiquitous British staple that is veal would have to be ditched from a million dinner tables. (What are we supposed to have for breakfast now, eh? Cereal?)
In fact the 'supercalf' was simply descended from a cloned animal, but it's always a shame to let the facts get in the way of a not-very-good story. And if that calf were truly imbued with terrifying super-powers, surely it would have escaped by flying off into orbit, perhaps, or melting its assailants with the deadly laser-vision that all clones are known to inherit.
The Mail also seemed genuinely surprised that veal comes from the same magical animal as beef and, for that matter, milk.
Meanwhile, government officials are set to investigate shocking allegations that Fleet Street journalists have been cloning news stories, following evidence that a series of identical reports have been passed off to readers as news in the past few weeks.