Age once conferred status. Getting past 40 implied you’d never had the plague and could curry your own goat.

Dr Rozina Ali probed the latest tech in the face race for Horizon: the Truth About Looking Young (BBC2, Monday 9pm), without ever asking if wrinkles were really worth worrying about.

She skimmed over the serious stuff about enchanted waterfalls and monkey glands, skipping straight to some soft-focus hocus-pocus about diet and sunlight. But who wants skin advice from a plastic surgeon, when we have ambassadors like Katy Perry and Rachel Weisz to pout through the science, lips bulging with computer-enhanced gravitas?

One gloopy sequence had Ali dissecting an unlucky squid’s eyeball. More disturbing was her suggestion it’s worth buggering up the oceans further to help us pretend we’re still kids. Topping the death-dodgers shopping list: tomatoes, broccoli and lots of oily fish. Shun spuds, pasta and rice. In other words, borderline malnutrition = inner radiance.

As with phone hacking, the real villain was the sun. Staying indoors is recommended: sleeping in a coffin only for die-hards. Luckily, Unilever has come up with a miracle pill to save us the trouble. That’s a handy bit of NPD. Then again, if everyone looks younger, you’re basically back where you started.

Perhaps you’re better off staying home after all. Draw the curtains, stick on Murder She Wrote and accept that there are worse things in life than showing you’ve lived it.