Who was your first teenage crush and why? Miss Russell, third-year teacher in her twenties who liked my painting of a chimp.
When was the first time you got drunk and what did you drink? Curt McConnell’s 17th birthday party. We drank sherry, which was a pound a bottle from Victoria Wine.
What was the first music single you bought? Ernie the Fastest Milkman by Benny Hill – a classic.
What’s your favourite book? The Tetherballs of Bougainville by Mark Leyner – it’s really weird and funny.
What’s your favourite movie and why? Broadway Danny Rose, starring Woody Allen. It’s a great story with great gags.
What was your worst holiday and why? When I was a medical student, 12 of us went to Corfu. Soon the group broke into three sub-groups and it turned into something like Lord of the Flies. I still remember one particular argument over a restaurant bill – and it was 22 years ago so it must have been quite a big one.
What has been the most embarrassing moment in your life? Not winning a national TV award and turning up anyway. I got various texts from friends who were horrified on my behalf that I’d gone.
If you could pick a celebrity to join your staff who would it be and why? Paul Burrell, so I could give him all the rotten jobs.
What’s the weirdest thing you’ve eaten? Blu-Tack.
What’s your favourite chat-up line? Why can’t you love me like you love him?
What luxury would you have on your desert island? Blu-Tack, so I could stick my posters up on the palm trees and make myself at home.
What’s your biggest regret? Not living above a really good Chinese takeaway.
If you could be invisible for the day, what would you do? I would stand behind Gordon Brown at his press conference and tickle him.