food waste

Everyone’s talking about food waste, aren’t they? Just two months after The Grocer launched its campaign to End This Scourge Once and For All, an important London free newspaper (worth every penny) has exclusively launched a completely different campaign to End This Scourge Once and For All.

At Pat’s Mart we have a zero-tolerance approach to almost everything. In fact, we are part of the solution - I regularly go skip diving behind Saino’s on a Tuesday night, and with a little judicious pruning you’d be surprised just how nicely some of that produce scrubs up.

Then if there’s anything I really can’t sell it gets converted into my famous Microwave Macédoine ready meal. Bulk it out with a little wallpaper paste and you really couldn’t tell it from Aldi Gemüsesuppe. And it all looks the same when it’s regurgitated, doesn’t it?

Funny, really. I’d have thought supermarkets would have been working pretty hard already to reduce food waste, given that it cuts the amount of stuff they can sell. Which hits profits and everything. Still, some things like Brexit just don’t really happen until the newspapers say so, so it’s lucky they’re all run by people who have our best interests at heart.

If only there were some way of distributing news electronically instead of on chopped-down trees driven around in huge smelly vans, then I’m sure they’d be doing it. Perhaps they’re planning a campaign against newspapers even now.

In the meantime, there’s a poor unemployed chap living in a box around the corner. I’m sure I could redistribute some of my waste in his direction. Yes, I think I’ll make that nice Mr Cameron a sandwich.