I was going to cast my critical eye over Mary Queen of the High Street this week, but since she focused on neither a Portas Pilot nor, ahem, a high street, I plumped for The Apprentice instead (BBC1, 9pm, 8 May).

Cripes, the candidates are even more vacant-eyed, loud-mouthed and dim-witted than ever! Indeed, they wouldn’t be out of place in Made in Chelsea or TOWIE - especially the girls, who as well as relentlessly sniping at each other seem to be competing over who can wear the most slap, tightest dress and highest heels, as if it were The Apprentice Tart (and not the sort that would be popular with bakery fans).

Tasked with creating and selling a flavoured beer, the two teams predictably made a complete hash of it. Kurt sent non-drinkers to make the stuff, eliciting from Lord Sugar a withering: “How do you send people to a brewery that don’t drink and in Zee’s case particularly, he is as dry as a cream cracker in the bleeding Sahara Desert?”

Meanwhile, the girls got their ratios wrong and tried to sell their rhubarb and caramel concoction at a festival that was actually a glorified pub and then a wine bar (yes, they tried to flog beer in a wine bar).

Thanks to stonking sales to the public, the boys got away with it and won. For the girls, you knew what was coming. “If ever in my life I’ve come across a team who literally couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery, it’s now,” barked Lord Sugar.

PM and only non-girl Tim took the bullet, but plenty of others were equally deserving. Lord Sugar has definitely got his work cut out with this lot.