Readers with an aversion to soap operas should stop reading now. On the other hand, those with a sadistic bent, who relish the crazy goings on down Whitehall way, should read on. For this week, as the Westminster rumour factory went into pre-election overtime, we heard of a plot which combined the political intrigue of Yes Minister with the muck and nettles world of The Archers. Seven days after spewing out rumours that Tony Blair will cull MAFF and sack Nick Brown, that same conveyor produced the idea that Nick will escape the axe. In a swift reversal of the earlier lurid tales of Nick's likely political demise, the stories suggest Messrs Blair and Brown will bury their differences over FMD and emerge after the election with Nick proclaimed as head of a shiny new rural affairs department, all set to cater for the needs of the countryside campaigners. Weary Whitehall observers, of course, have witnessed this confusing scenario in the run up to many a poll. They argue that, in any case, only the PM knows what's in store when, on June 8, he cancels the standby removal van and pushes Cherie and the kids back inside Number 10. And he's saying nothing at this stage. But victims of the devious New Labour art of spin doctoring suspect a crafty piece of news management. Given the criticism of the way MAFF has handled the FMD crisis, and given even Nick Brown favoured the rural affairs department concept when he spoke to The Grocer this week, this could all be part of a carefully choreographed pre-election performance. Trouble is, another colourful slant to the rumours insists that "the food industry" ­ whatever that phrase means in government parlance ­ could still be dumped into the DTI. So, rumours to one side, this is surely the time for the NFU, IGD, FDF and BRC to link arms, stride into Downing Street, and press their point that the food chain must be the responsibility of a single government department preferably with Nick Brown at the head. Clive Beddall, Editor {{OPINION }}