Anyone doubting the dedication of the Office of Fair Trading - at least to the pursuit of Johnny Fingers' own career plans - need have no fear. Not content with initiating a fresh investigation every 30 seconds into Britain's spotlessly honest grocery industry, the OFT has now taken it upon itself to regulate spiritual mediums.

Now, for some reason this column has acquired a reputation for stretching the truth. But believe me this once: the same people who are charged with regulating price competition will now be launching dawn raids on Reiki parlours across Britain, seizing healing crystals, emails to the dearly departed and ectoplasm by the bucketload. It seems that seers, soothsayers and witch doctors will have to publish a disclaimer in all communications to their pathetically gullible clients to the effect that the drivel they are peddling may not be entirely true.

So why, I ask, has the Asda press office not been put on similar notice? And for that matter, how can you launch a surprise raid on a bunch of fortune tellers? As it happens, anyone who really wants to converse with the dead need only phone up the Competition Commission. But my main objection to Fishy Fingers' latest ruse is simply that it is a missed opportunity. Instead of alienating the country's prophets, why not enlist them?

Rather than all that messy business of working out what vile deeds the supermarkets and their suppliers had concocted, the OFT's crystal stargazers could simply work out what crimes were about to be committed and publicly bust everyone's arses for that. Just two objections. There are those who would say the OFT spends enough time staring into its balls already.

And as Morrisons will tell you, finding supermarkets guilty before they're actually tried is nothing new for Johnny Fingers anyway.