What's your nickname? Tony Tap - just couldn't take the alcohol consumption. 

Who was your first teenage crush and why? Suzanna Hickling. She had lovely green eyes and loved riding horses!!! 

When was the first time you got drunk? The first time was on a drink called Thunderbird. To this day I never knew what was in it and I don't want to know. Bloody awful. 

What was the first music single you bought? There were two. The Clash - White Riot. Sham 69 - Hersham Boys. 

What did you want to be when you were a kid? An alcoholic punk. Only joking. A photographer. 

What's your favourite book and why? Anything by Jeremy Clarkson - I share a lot of his political views. 

What's your favourite movie and why? The African Queen as my uncle was in it. 

What was your worst holiday and why? Two weeks in Tunisia. The men outnumbered women by 10 to 1 and I ended up with salmonella. 

What was the most embarrassing moment in your life? Being on The Big Breakfast dancing to Madonna. 

Do you have any phobias? Listening to party political broadcasts. 

If you could pick a celebrity to join your staff who would it be and why? Pamela Anderson. I could sell the business tomorrow at a wacking profit. 

Who would you most like to sit next to on a plane? John Travolta. At least I'd know he wasn't flying it. 

What would you request as your final meal? Scrambled eggs and white truffles served by an entourage of Hugh Hefner's work colleagues. 

What's the weirdest thing you've eaten? Can't write that down, you wouldn't print it. 

What's your favourite chat up line? Fancy a 68? You go down on me and I'll owe you one. 

What's your biggest regret? Not pursuing my trading career in the US. 

If you could star in a TV show, what would it be and why? Top Gear. What a great way to earn a living. 

If you could be invisible for the day, what would you do? Go to 10 Downing Street and make out it's haunted. At least that's one way of getting him out.