It's been a vintage week here at the DRIP underground bunker. First came the news that the Evening Standard was to become a freesheet, which means that for the first time the readers of this nasty title will be getting their money's worth. Then there was the oh-so-reassuring news from Tesco and JS that business is booming, that they're both outperforming each other and that your money's best invested in their cavernous tills.

What appealed to me most, though, was Cheshunt's new online clothing range, Tati by Tel (or somesuch). Punters will no longer have to endure the risk of death by static electrocution while roaming the endless facings of synthetic material that is the Florence & Fred aisle. The hordes of C2s-and-under that make up Tesco's customer base have no need to even stray from their groaning sofas, thus an increasing number of 'X's before the 'L' on clothing labels are set to become the norm

It's good to see that Terry Green has finally achieved something really special in his three years at Tesco. Now all he has to do is persuade Laura Wade-Gery, mother superior of Tesco's internet business and certain successor to the throne once Tel calls it a day, to stick his wretched rags on the homepage.

Incidentally, if there's anyone reading this from the Tesco press office (indeed, if there's anyone there that can read), do tell the boss to pop down to Specsavers. The poor man looks even more startled than usual without his NHS goggles, and they do a nice two-for-one offer that ought to appeal.

By contrast, King Justin put in a blinding performance on the breakfast shows literally. His russet spray-on tan shorted out the red pixels on the Pumserian television set. It's also fortunate that I have a cinematic wide-screen model or there would never have been room for the regal grin as he noted that, of course, JS supports the Competition Commission's planning test just so long as it only affects the competition.