We have, as has every PR agency, been working on our April Fool’s stories. A rare opportunity to demonstrate that our clients have a sense of humour and are not the mirthless corporate automata that their behaviour the rest of the year would suggest. ‘Twas in this spirit we kicked around the lighthearted notion of mixing the unlikeliest ingredients to create a new product.

A spoof press release was drafted and left on Karoline (with a K)’s desk, only to be accidentally faxed to media houses all over London with our usual Friday batch of threatening letters (“Our client will not hesitate to use the full force of the law if you publish details of his wife, mistress, fetish, dog, bonus, etc”). Hey presto, Kraft Cheesy Chocolate was born.

Weirdly, even Kraft believed the story, though to be fair they occupy a strange parallel universe where things like the Spots v Stripes promotion are seen as a success. Fortunately our Unilever (Hellmann’s Brylcreem) and P&G (Vicks Pringles) spoofs, while no less stupid, can stay under wraps until April.

Not that anyone will be able to afford to buy cheesy chocolate by the time it’s launched. Apparently even posh people are trading down. I asked Daddy if this was true and he moaned for about an hour over the shortage of quails eggs in Aldi. If we’re in double-dip territory I may have to forgo the usual Sunday roast (pheasant, goose) and buy pork, which is oinking up the popularity stakes. The last time I ate it was at boarding school when we thought tapeworms would help us stay slim.

Handily, Pernod is relaunching absinthe, which, like Domestos, kills everything - though unfortunately that eventually includes the drinkers.