tony tiger portrait one use

Hi kids! Gr-r-reat® to be here! Albeit in a depressed, irritable and emaciated state caused by hypoglycaemia stemming from the diet imposed by the folks at Kellogg’s, whose Damascene conversion to fighting child obesity has of course nothing whatsoever to do with seven figures falling right off a cliff. Oh no.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. Hi kids! Gr-r-reat® to see you! Some of you still with your own teeth and everything. That acne really is cute, Jemima! Now, I guess those few of you not suffering from attention deficit disorder will have heard your teacher tell you how dangerous we tigers are. Oh boy, are we dangerous.

I looked it up - we killed about 400,000 people in the EU last year alone! Well, when I say we, I and my learned friends don’t want to claim any credit. It wasn’t excess sugar intake, per se, it was the unrelated scourge of obesity, caused by individuals whose weak willpower inhibits them from maintaining a balanced diet to complement their cornflakes saturated in saccharides. (By the way, if you’re anything like me, you’ll be worried about deforestation too - all that extra wood for the outsized coffins.)

Meantime, they’ve taken me and my pal Coco, the Coco Pops monkey, aside and said that just maybe a breakfast food that is over one-third refined sugar isn’t the very best start to the day for the not-so-littl’uns. They’re going to break the bad news to the Honey (née Sugar) Puffs Monster too, just as soon as he comes round from his latest bariatric surgery.

So tell your mums and dads it’s OK to keep the Frosties flowing! They’re just as good for you as reduced sugar baked beans! And how do they taste? They’re… Gr-r-oss®!