strawberry

There’s a lot of conjecture online about the effects of a vegetarian diet. Five minutes on Google (or ‘serious journalistic research’ as Bogof calls it) reveals our flesh-dodging pals are apparently both more and less likely to suffer from depression and cancer. They’re more likely to be geniuses - but also to suffer impaired memory function. So it evens out.

Now a study conducted for the serious thinkers at illicitencounters.com suggests tofu chompers are more likely to have affairs.

Some 42% of veggies admitted to cheating in the poll, compared with a frankly still alarming 31% of carnivores. Apparently lentil-lovers are more likely to initiate a spot of boot-knocking, too.

But why? Well, no one knows, but the best working theory is that aphrodisiacs tend to be plant-based - asparagus, celery, chill and figs, for example - meaning veggies are simply generally more up for it by default. The only meaty aphrodisiac, meanwhile - oysters - are of course disgusting.