Ihave had an idea that must rank as genius even by the standards of the man who first saw the potential for Microwave Angel Delight Smoothies under the Pumsey's Price Palace "PPP" label back in 1989. Let's have an inquiry into supermarket inquiries, headed by a supermarket inquiry inspector, reporting into a Commission for Supermarket Inquiries led by some senior government official, quite possibly at DRIP. The case is clear. There are too many supermarket inquiries, leading to the detriment of everyone bar the inquisitors and, naturally, m'learned friends. Not only do we have the OFT mooching around everything from bog paper pricing to the nomenclature of Welsh rennet, we also have Freeman's torpid Commission for the Long Grass, heir to the equally useless bodies that have brought humanity three vast and fruitless probes in the past six years alone. And as if the main witch hunt weren't enough, we have a variety of little inquisitions the length and breadth of the land. How about the OFT's little look at the alleged collusion between the Big Nasty Four over the price of milk, in which they stand accused, m'lud, of obeying edicts from Defra and succumbing to the militant falangists of the NFU demanding higher prices? Apparently, printing the cost of cheese on the packet is tantamount to "price signalling". So we have a monopolist (the government) that has become over-established in the market with an excess of outlets. And what has been the result? Peace and harmony between farmers, processors and retailers? Nope. A final end to all food scares? Nope. Perhaps the Freemen of Whitehall are now claiming credit for falling grocery prices. Freeman's lot are harsh on respondents who don't report according to their pre-set timetable. My inquiry could well learn something from that.