Well, foul vassals, my accumulator bet was an unmitigated disaster. Not only did Andorra not win the Rugby World Cup, and not only did that asteroid fail to collide with Abbots Langley, but Freeman did manage to deliver his provisional findings before hell froze over. At least the contents did not disappoint in this season of missed opportunities and yellow fruitlessness. They were precisely as asinine as we could have expected from a two-year Whitehall hogroast. You will have seen them as well as I, and will, like me, be pondering over the questions the Commission for Little Britain failed to address: n If James "Babyface" Lowman ever grows up, starts shaving and gets married, where will the wife of the ACS boss do her weekly shop? Here's a clue - it won't be at the local Spar. Maybe the new Ombudsman will have some suggestions. n Equally, when the good Mrs Leahy finally gets a Tesco Express in Cuffley, will she take her discount card there or to the local independent butcher (RIP)? n Does Asda marketing beer at 1p per gallon and then gallantly refusing to honour that commitment constitute "price signalling"? n What are JS's "Different Values" exactly? Could it be the £500m in different value the Qataris are now scrabbling to find? n What is it that makes Waitrose customers happily gift Markup de Price about 20% of their shopping bill every week? Sloth or just inbreeding? Well, Peter? n Do my honourable LibDem friend Jo Swinson MP and her well-meaning pals think their bloody shopping grows on the shelves? How much "excess" packaging could you stuff in her cakehole before she got the message? By the way, a polyglot pal tells me "Ombudsman" in Swedish is "around message person". Sums up Peter 'Fluff' Freeman rather well, don't you think?