I regard it as both a professional duty and a personal mantra to shop as rarely as possible in Asda and as often as possible in proper local grocers - which for me are Fortnums, Selfridges and, for a bit of colourful ethnic fare, Harrods. But I do like the odd takeaway (and not just in the Soho sense), so I was pleased to see that 18 ''trailblazers" in the fast food trade are totting up the calories on their Whoppers - while remaining free (thanks Deirdre) to advertise them to kids. There's nothing I like more than the sweet smell of hypocrisy in the morning.

Which reminds me. As grateful as I am to Barak Obama for generally saving the world (while allowing Gordo to take all the flak once the $1.2trn of IMF aid disappears in powder form up the nose of a new generation of bankers), not everything that comes from over the pond is an unsullied blessing. Take Coke's pumping of a sweet and sickly £30m wodge into Innocent, or co-founder Richard Reed's protestations that Coke would help it "get natural, healthy products to as many people as possible". Aaah. They'll be moving into dentistry next.

Or how about our beloved Commission for the Long Grass? Poor old Peter Freeman and his new factotum David Saunders must have felt they'd been out of the headlines a bit too long. Look dears, we may love Tesco like we love - what's that word? ... oh yes, herpes - but you're supposed to be looking after the punters, not Ye Phoneye Olde Corner Shoppe. So when the beaks tell you where to stuff your famous competition test, don't just pretend you were off school that day.

As for our fine, upstanding press corps, well, this week has been truly exceptional. A personal favourite was The Sun's plea on the cover of its 12-page Jade Goody funeral supplement that we should allow her to "rest in peace".

Far more disturbingly, from the photo provided it appears Goody's grave was sponsored by Marmite.