I couldn’t help smiling when I saw that the Powers That Be are to remove use-by dates from milk. Well Pat, I thought, you’re nothing if not an innovator.
For example, some years ago I got into the habit of hanging on to the packaging of the in-date stuff I was eating at home and then using it to give a makeover to some of the more mature produce in the store. And more recently I discovered while re-reading Mrs Beeton that just a touch of boracic acid in your green-top can maintain its apparent freshness for weeks.
These Victorian values are making something of a comeback in general. Just this week I put a card in the window for an experienced deputy store manager to cover when I take my annual week’s leave sheltering from Storm Ewan in a Blackpool bus shelter.
Blow me if the next morning there weren’t 1,700 former Tesco Express DSMs queuing over Westminster Bridge. I didn’t have time to interview all of them, of course, but the first one I liked the look of (no. 859 in line) told me Mr Lewis had make them a kind offer of demotion or the workhouse.
I did feel rather sorry for them so, inspired by the Oscars, I put all their names in envelopes to draw out of a hat. And to guarantee a scrupulously rigged result I asked my lovely if profoundly dyslexic niece (on an internship at PwC) to arrange the draw.
It seemed a simple task, especially since I put the name of the candidate I wanted in a big sparkly gold envelope and the rest in economy manila. Unemployed he may be, but if Mr Ranieri really thinks he’s getting the job then he’s living in La La Land.