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Negotiating is the difference between playing the kids’ game – draughts, or the adult’s game – chess

You’re on holiday abroad. The sun is shining, you’re relaxed, beer in hand, and you decide that tomorrow, you’ll make a trip to the local market.

At the market, you see a stall selling sunglasses and fancy a pair of ‘Roy-Bans’. You walk over, see a pair you like and ask “how much?”. He replies: “only 48 euros for you.” After an intake of breath, you counter with “10 euros”. We all know the script. It all ends with you both meeting somewhere in the middle, after you’ve tried to walk away twice, and he’s come to the front of the stall and told you “very good price” 16 times.

This is haggling. It is a valid form of resolving a conflict. It is not negotiating. Both are valid. They are different skills.

Haggling is about one dimension – usually price – where one party starts high, the other low, and you eventually meet somewhere in the middle. Negotiating is more complex, covering multiple dimensions. It usually takes longer, and requires much more intellect to master its art.

Most people haggle and think they are negotiating. They are not.

There are four reasons most people haggle:

  • They don’t know the difference between haggling and negotiating.
  • Haggling is over quicker, which is preferable because negotiating takes longer, which prolongs the conflict, which is uncomfortable.
  • Negotiating is harder to do than haggling, taking more time, effort, and skill.
  • Most people believe they don’t have the variables to negotiate, and so they offer a price and then stalemate ensues.

The advantage of negotiating is that you can win more (yes, you could lose more too). It’s the difference between playing the kids’ game – draughts, or the adult’s game – chess. If you want to play the adult game, start by using these three simple tools:

  • Prepare for a negotiation using the Squaredance tool (Search ‘MBM negotiation Squaredance template’).
  • Remember PEPSI for the four stages of negotiating: Prepare, Explore, Propose, and Summarise. We added the ‘I’ just to help you remember it!
  • “If you…then I…” A great phrase for when you wish to make a proposal.

Now let’s play chess.

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