I now read all the national newspapers every day (except The Daily Star obviously, which doesn't count).

Not properly read, like you do on a Sunday with a coffee and an illicit Fudge's choccy flapjack. No, skim-read on tenterhooks with that mixture of dread and excitement at the possibility of seeing a client mentioned. 

"Or a former lover, darling," says Karoline (with a K), though these days I think she finds it difficult to distinguish between the two.

Anyway, we're months off the silly season, but the papers are full of 'news' that proper hacks (the ones with green eye shades and stretchy armbands) would have spiked without hesitation. The 'chocolate is better for you than fruit' story promoted this week by Hershey's (which isn't even chocolate, let alone good for you) is a perfect example of sheer unadulterated PR bollocks.

This bodes extremely well for a number of our clients who have useless initiatives to launch. I'm fully expecting blanket coverage for some new character toiletries (all the rage if The Grocer is to be believed) featuring legendary figures from history (and hence no licence fees).

'Cake by Marie Antoinette' has marzipan notes, while 'Brunel for Men' is all tobacco, top hats and engine oil. But according to the latest from the fragrance lab, 'Fire by Joan of Arc' still smells a bit like roast pork.

The real excitement here, though, is the news that we are handling George Davies' new brand for Morrisons. (Though not shared by me ever since Miranda called me a 'Per Una Loser' for wearing some of his earlier work).

We've signed an NDA, but I don't think anyone at Fortress M reads this so I can reveal that the range will be called '...and Mildred', and will include "a new take on hairnets and housecoats for the Northern woman of today". Super.

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