Aspersions are being cast about the dedication of the younger generation of PRs. “There was a time when any girl with an eye on her career and the success of her agency would be on intimate terms with at least 60% of The Grocer Power List,” reminisces Karoline (with a K). “Including the women, except that there weren’t any.” Miranda wants to know what she means by intimate. “Shagging them, silly,” barks K, possibly without the comma. “Oh that’s OK, I’ve slept with two of them,” says Miranda, demonstrating that maths isn’t her strong point. In an effort to narrow down the field I’m pretty sure that it’s neither Delia Smith (84 - ranking, not age, I think) because M has never been to Norwich, nor Roy Hodgson (99 - and looks it) because when I ask about England tickets she looks baffled.
Whoever, her efforts have failed to win the new business we so desperately need. We know times are tough because Karoline is talking about a new career in floristry, the final refuge of all disappointed PR women, though at her age it would mostly be wreaths. We dissuade her by pointing out that her special brand of marketing creativity (who can forget the Make It Another British Bacon Summer initiative?) is sorely needed when the best that Spar can come up with for the jubilee is red, white and blue cupcakes at £1 for four. You would have to be both a cheapskate and a republican to enjoy those.
Times are so hard, we even pitch for the R Whites Lemonade Lolly account with a fresh new direction, telling the client that “no agency would be daft enough to revive a pale imitation of a campaign from 35 years ago that is only remembered these days by people who are dead, hahaha”. Oops.