Though Karoline (with a K)’s grip on reality is as about as secure as a Cypriot bank account, there may be something in her idea of an online venture that combines the only flourishing parts of the high street: loan sharks, bookies and c-stores. BetYourDole(AndWinAPie).com brings a welcome sense of order to the hitherto haphazard process of making poor people penniless. It’s the sort of thing that George Osborne might suggest to revive the economy.

I certainly need reviving after two days of trekking around I bloody F bloody E. Apart from it being abundantly clear that 90% of the exhibitors don’t have a hope in hell of UK success with their feeble, derivative or just plain bonkers products (unless they hire a top food and drink PR agency to transform dross into gold, of course), one thing struck me forcibly. Salesmen of Britain, this may come as a revelation, but girls can see where your eyes are looking. That little flicker downwards as I bounce on to the stand, full of puppyish enthusiasm and best chest forward, tells me all I need to know about the new business process. Breast men, bum men, leg men, heel men, IFE had them all. I have become an expert on the greasy thoughts of salesmen.

I am clearly not, however, a Bacon Connoisseur. I know this is true because the PR charade that is Bacon Connoisseurs’ Week has more or less passed me by. I am surprised to learn that Fay Ripley, who up until now I quite liked, is a passionate bacon enthusiast. She must be, because apparently she’s the ‘face’ of the Week.

In fact, I may call her Bacon-Face Ripley from now on. There’s a tribute to the power of celebrity endorsement for you.