This week came news that B&Q made candidates dance, sing and pull funny faces to secure a van driving job. You wouldn't see such frivolity at a supermarket, would you? Well, actually, yes. Suppliers to Asda were asked to dress up in costumes and "act out" their pitch to buyers during a category review, according to a Bogof source. It goes without saying that the suppliers had to pay for their own costumes.

Talking of dressing up, we were pleased to receive (via a little birdie) the Sainsbury's staff Christmas card, for it proves conclusively that Justin King really does have a sense of humour. If you look closely enough, you will see King and his cohorts dressed in festive gear. Justin sports a fetching red woolly jumper with a reindeer on it, but for once he has been upstaged, with Lawrence Christensen, head of convenience, opting for a red waistcoat, also featuring a reindeer, and retail director Ken McMeikan dressed as one of Santa's elves. With supermarket staff now obliged to recycle everything, we are reliably informed that the card is now being used as a dartboard at stores up and down the country.

Not content with its attack on foods high in fat, salt and sugar, the FSA now has a new product on its banned list: bottled water. The food and drink quango will henceforth only use filtered tap water in its offices, it has announced, giving the red light to bottled water because it is environmentally unfriendly. It seems even products that are actually good for you are no longer safe.

Beans are the hot new biofuel. A company in Amsterdam is planning to grow them commercially as a fuel for vehicles. Apparently, they produce more carbon emissions than other plants but we sort of knew that already, didn't we?