Where did all the chefs go? Nowadays you can't open a can of tuna without getting a 12-part series on satellite and suddenly every cook is a 'celebrity' too.

But all still cower in the shadow of Delia, who was one-name famous decades before Beyoncé and has haunted all our kitchens since she invented food in the early 1970s. In some circles (people that already shop at Waitrose, in other words) she's John Lennon, Joan of Arc and Greta Garbo rolled into one.

Famously, Delia even has her own 'effect' like when butterflies' wings cause hurricanes on the other side of the globe. She mentions pre-cut ginger and stocks in Happy China Spices Co go rocketing past Google.

That awesome marketing might has now been brought to bear for Waitrose and, like Ricky Martin this week prancing proudly from the closet, you wonder why it wasn't sooner. For the new Waitrose ad (ITV, 8.40pm Thursday, and online) she was joined by Heston Blumenthal, best known for putting snails where you least expect them and doing the odd shift at Little Chef.

It's easily the most compelling TV effort ever by a retailer: as an advert it's great; as entertainment it's a train wreck hitting a car crash on a level crossing of awkwardness.

Appropriately with so much star power involved, they share the kind of relaxed, spontaneous banter you only see on Oscar night. It's like one recorded the shared scenes in front of a blue screen and the other was CGI'd in later with Avatar-style magic.

But separately they're stellar. Heston cosies up with some pink Norfolk porkers while Delia simply does what she does and still does miles better than anyone else in a set so white and immaculate it looks like the afterlife. Delia's kitchen is truly foodie heaven.

Elsewhere, the Asda wedding is now on asda.com, as lucky winners Andrea and David live the fairytale in their local store's George aisle even down to the traditional wheeling of the bride through the checkout in a trolley.

It's all rather sweet and a welcome change from couples teetering on the brink of divorce as they row about whether to get the Smart Price version or not.

Hopefully their off-camera chemistry sparks better than for Waitrose's gruesome twosome.

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