Would someone please stop allowing that moron Alex Riley on the TV?

This week, he wrapped up his series on the Secrets of the Superbrands (8pm, BBC3, 31 May) by asking why the global population is so in thrall to brands like Coke.

And, would you believe, it's more down to ubiquitous advertising, global distribution and nice packaging than the taste. I watched this for 10 minutes longer than I should have because I was so gobsmacked by the sheer banality of it all. For his next feat, an investigation perhaps into why the pope is Catholic or an exposé on what bears get up to in woods?

Talking of animals (and morons for that matter), they say every dog has its day, but that wasn't the case in The Apprentice (9pm, BBC1, 1 June). Two of the Logic team got the boot after their Every Dog petfood campaign failed to hit the mark with either ad agency TBWA or head honchos at Mars Petcare.

Vincent "my confidence and charisma overpower certain people" Disneur didn't exactly get off to a great start when he proposed the brand name "Pals". But his fatal mistake was to ignore advice that you can't feed all dogs the same food and to heed instead Jim Eastwood's the Machiavellian Irishman who'd actually come up with the Every Dog name.

Ironically, Disneur was the one being overpowered by Eastwood. The bromance was so full on, the project manager didn't even take him back into the boardroom (signing his own death warrant as well as Ellie Reed's). Lord Sugar was not impressed.

"In the old days there was always rumours about what went in to make dogfood," he told Eastwood as he wriggled off the hook a second time. "I dunno what you're made of mate. Is it brains or bollocks?"

He talked the latter and possibly possesses a pair, but brains? I don't think so. And he wasn't the only one who fell short in that department. Glenn Ward may have been project manager on the winning team, but if Catsize, the name he gave their otherwise well-conceived slimming food for cats, was slightly daft, the strapline 'see their light' was dafter still.

It was a play on words, he explained limply - sadly too dim to see the light himself.

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