All articles by Don Pumsey
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on the demise of the DRIP
Well, it's been real. The Department of Retail Infrastructure and Pricing is no more.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on a shafting from Smiling Boy David
Don Pumesey at the Department of Retail Infrastructure and Pricing
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NewsDon Pumsey on Nick Cleggover, the Morrisons of politics
We can no longer ignore Cleggover. The sense of foreboding at DRIP is tangible. Mrs Rolfe the cleaner has adopted the foetus position in the corner by the credenza, nursing a bottle of Jamie's Pine Nut Pickling Sherry and sobbing into the...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on Corporal Clegg the serial shagger
It was rather touching to see Bondandybond's swansong last week. I wasn't actually there of course since a) I don't do Yorkshire and b) Gordo has banned ministers from all forms of intercourse that he does not personally have a hand in. As it were.
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NewsDon Pumsey on Bond's emotional swansong
Poor old Bondandybond. I've always had a sneaking regard for the ginger ninja, whatever people say about his stewardship of a company The Grocer has in survey after survey revealed to be Britain's Most Depressing Supermarket. I mean, his record speaks for itself.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on the end of the great socialist experiment
Is that ringing in my ear just tinnitus brought on by my latest ear-bashing from El Gordo, or is it a distant death knell for DRIP? Those with an eye for irony will not have failed to notice that whoever swings the axe post-May 6 it will be three...
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NewsDon Pumsey on scrumpy tax and eunuchs' tackle
It's difficult to imagine holding anything more useless than the hand I hold right now - with the possible exception of a eunuch's tackle.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on Byers, porkie pies and Peter 'Skid' Marks
Frankly, I am sick to my very stomach. If we are to suspend our entirely justifiable disbelief in anything that the Sunday Telegraph and Channel 4 can concoct between them, my beloved colleague Stephen Byers has allegedly, m'learned friends been...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on Drastic Dave Lewis and the big red pen
There are some parts of The Grocer over which Dave Lewis, this week's guest editor, has exercised absolutely no control.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on beaks, claws and a kaleidoscope of colours
I don't know whether eating too much foie gras can make you lily-livered, but the FSA fat cats are showing every sign of capitulating to all parties over their wretched traffic-light system. FSA nanny-in-chief Tim Smith could hardly contain his...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on Mandy's dark mutterings
One can only wonder what the poor benighted Oompa-Loompas of Bournville felt as they read Mandy's latest comments on changing the law to protect Blighty's finest artisans from the foul clutches of Johnny Foreigner.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on wet towels, bullying and pies from abroad
Bullying has become something of the mot du jour in Whitehall recently, so let's get one thing clear from the outset - there has never been any bullying of any kind during my tenure at DRIP.
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NewsDon Pumsey on the shock news that booze gets you pissed
Finally we have proof. Drinking alcohol gets you pissed. But worse. In a state of pissedness, the poor unsuspecting punters who neck a Special Brew or a...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on thirsty Scots and liver-dissolving commotion lotion
Normally, bewildered readership, I struggle to find any sense of kinship with our hirsute brethren north of the border, but even I as a true son of St George (making me a Palestinian it would seem) have now found some sympathy with the plight of the Scottish consumer.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on a Cadbury finger just for Irene
Hardly had the Cadbury bunny emitted her agonized death rattle when the DRIP Batphone trilled to signify a communication from my liege Lord Mandacity. He's in the Alps for the duration, suppressing the mogul hordes (on his snowboard at least) and...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on why Haitian malaise is a right pain in the alms
There are some weeks when even I, befuddled readers, struggle to find the words to bring a little ribald humour into your meaningless and humdrum lives. And the source of my malaise is not the loss of the nation's last British institution (pace all...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on King Justin losing his winter grip
There's nothing quite like challenging meteorological conditions to bring out the best in this noble breed.
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on new year misery and Kraftwerk Inc
Happy New Year, loyal serfs. And I mean that advisedly. I am facing up to the impending loss of my job, unless Gordo can pull off a miracle greater than, well, the latest bumper Christmas trailed exclusively by all of the grocers at the same time...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on veggie munchers at the Danish smugfest
Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen, friendly young girl going down! Ah, the words of Dyke van Dick's winsome refrain reverberate in every passage as I sample the aromatic watering holes of the trendy Fissegade. It is, in any case, a heavenly retreat...
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Comment and OpinionDon Pumsey on a festive surprise for Mrs Rolfe
Frunting and bolics, readers. Why, it seems only a year ago that we were last making trite comments about the imminence of Christmas, as I tritely commented to Mrs Rolfe the cleaner this morning. She does get excited at this time of year but I do...