Comedian Alex Riley set out to poke a stick at the dairy industry in the manner of Mark Thomas but unfortunately minus the intelligence or humour. After making a serious point about the low cheese content in cheese slices, Riley turned his attention to hydrogenated vegetable oils, wheeling out some Danish expert to spell out how dangerous the stuff is. Suffice to say, the supermarkets were all at it. Only they weren't, as most had removed HVOs from their own-label ranges. But Riley wasn't going to let the facts get in the way of a good story.
Clutching at the straw Lidl was "holding out", he took a lederhosen-clad posse of helpers to the discounter's Wimbledon HQ where, standing by a bath full of fat, he asked passers-by for pledges of money to help fund heart care at every Lidl store. The staff weren't the only ones non-plussed.
Riley then moved on to milk which, according to 'expert' Heather Mills, contains pus and growth hormones. Only and I think you know where I'm going here it doesn't. Pasteurisation gets rid of pus and the use of growth hormones is banned in the UK. A few imported dairy products from the US do contain both, however. Cue a pointless trip to the States.
What made this programme irritating was Riley's insistence on undermining every argument with a cheap gag. The use of palm oil is a serious issue (see left) and the fact Galaxy is about to get Rainforest Alliance accreditation for its responsible sourcing of cocoa, but doesn't yet contain sustainably sourced palm oil is a hypocrisy worth highlighting.
But why expect a serious response from Mars if you turn up with people dressed as orang-utans? Why make dairy farmers don peasants' garb to pull The Co-op Group up on the amount it pays for milk? Or, and this was the real coup de grâcelessness, head to Asda to pitch as a solution human breast milk ("lovingly made in Bristols") before trying to tempt people in the street to try it?
Needless to say, only one tit was on display.
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