What a load of bullwallop, sorry codshit. I refer not to the sorry attempts of the apprentices this week to rebrand Margate, though James deserves an award for his mauling of the English language in The Apprentice (9pm, BBC1, 13 May), but to the peculiar mishmash that is Marco Pierre White's latest US vehicle, The Chopping Block (9pm, ITV2, 11 May).

This bizarre reality cooking series borrows heavily not just from the above but also from Kitchen Nightmares, The Restaurant and Hell's Kitchen. Sadly it is less than the sum of its parts.

Charting the progress of eight couples as they compete for the chance to win their own restaurant, the programme followed two teams who were set the challenge of foraging for food in Central Park, taking inspiration from what they'd found to conjure up a menu and test it on an unsuspecting public.

There were moments of brilliance. Pierre White floated around intoning instructions to "respect Mother Nature" as if he were the mad leader of a religious sect. When the teams were introduced to their foraging guide, the bloke miaowed as he yanked up cattails (a reed that tastes like courgette, apparently) and described sheep sorrel as "not baaaaad" (geddit?).

And the Great White Shark's put downs were typically trenchant, as when one of the teams dared list crab cakes on its menu. "Were there any crabs in the park?" he asked coolly. "No," replied the contestant, like a naughty school kid. "You need to do another starter," was the response as Pierre White ripped the offending item off the menu. But the high points were few and far between.

So constrained was Pierre White by the dismally formulaic format that the only real moment of drama came in the boardroom-style finale.

When the red team rounded on whiny, loud-mouthed Panya, complaining she wasn't enough of a team player, she played the race card - much to their slack-jawed amazement. Pierre White didn't take the bait. "I've listened to the people around me and they tell me you are a disruptive force," he said simply. "One thing I won't tolerate is a disruptive force - Michael and Panya, go home."

Shame he didn't send the others packing too.