One can only wonder what the poor benighted Oompa-Loompas of Bournville felt as they read Mandy's latest comments on changing the law to protect Blighty's finest artisans from the foul clutches of Johnny Foreigner.

Even as Irene Rosenkranz tightens her death grip on Cadbury and the top brass begin to commandeer the lifeboats (executives and spin doctors first!), Mandy is now suggesting that we actually do something to protect what little industry we have left.

Now forgive me, but aren't we just a tad late? Speaking in the knowledge that the general election will relieve Mandy of the onerous task of conducting my performance review, I'd argue that HMG could actually have intervened during the six months it took Krafty Inc to swallow Cadbury, rather than just making dark mutterings about it.

Bit pointless having an elected government if it claims it's powerless to intervene in governmental duties, I'd say - particularly when its dark prophet makes it clear after the event that it does intend to get off its well-padded collective arse.

Talking of which, it was humbling to see Rosey defending the Medeusan riches heaped upon Marc Bulliond on his defection to the frumpy frock seller, visibly blanching at the suggestion that he should cut his own salary to reflect the fact that he has ditched half his job. Ridiculous! Obviously. Inexplicably, though, Rosey failed to mention Bulliond's greatest reward: the fact that he doesn't have to live in Bradford any more, or shop at Morrisons.

One can only wonder how new Morrisons chief Dalton's Weakly O'Philips is feeling as he settles into his two up, two down on Arkwright Terrace. The dear boy announced earlier this week that Morrisons is to back England's bid to host the 2018 World Cup - presumably if the bid is successful the teams will be required to play in cloth caps and heavy leather lace-over boots on pitches ankle-deep in mud.

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