Headline-writers were cock-a-hoop last week at the news Ann Summers was being forced to pull chocolate-flavoured body paint containing melamine – probably not the first panicky withdrawal involving a product from the cheap-and-cheerful sex shop.

“We’ve never had to put out an alert before on ‘willy spread’ – chocolate-flavoured or otherwise,” chortled an FSA lickspittle.

Meanwhile, speculation continues that the new ‘mystery’ Revels flavour will be a delicious-but-deadly melamine special.