Karoline (with a K) is almost swooning in admiration for another agency. She usually holds all our professional rivals in complete and utter contempt, but IMS of Thame has caught her attention by paying fake customers to demand the return of Typhoo to Sainsbury’s branches where it has been delisted, allegedly.
“Titty,” she bellows, “this is marvellous. All of our clients are continually being delisted by one or other of the multiples. We could make a fortune if you and Miranda keep phoning up pretending you like them.” By ‘we’ she means she. As the sole shareholder in P&F since the acrimonious departure of Felicia Puff and Persephone Fluff some 20 years ago - referred to in office folklore as the Bournemouth Ultimatum - she has raked in “the meagre pittance that business people call profit” each year. A quick online trip to Companies House suggests it isn’t actually that meagre and that P and F’s departure for a bijou seafront love nest was spectacularly ill-timed.
Anyway, K wants more, in order, no doubt, to keep her in an ample supply of the new limited edition BAT cigarettes as well as regular lunches at Le Manoir. Talking of which, Monsieur Blanc has announced plans to open a gastropub chain called The White Brassiere. Terry from the post room often reminisces wistfully about pubs near our office that used to offer lunchtime strippers, so maybe Raymondo’s planning to tap into the unkempt, slightly sweaty, sexually frustrated middle-aged male market.
In an attempt to banish this image from my mind I return to my desktop and up pops the For Goodness Shakes ad, which is funnier, but even more disturbing.