Karoline (with a K) positively bounces into the Monday morning meeting (Wednesday at 11, this week), buoyed by the sheer amount of bad advertising that has suddenly appeared on our screens. “If Andrex and Coke can get away with campaigns like this,” she cackles, “we must be able to flog some of our ideas to someone!”
She has a point about brands number nine and one in last year’s Britain’s Biggest Grocery Brands rankings. It’s as if the head of marketing quality control (there must be one) popped out for a fag just as the ads were being signed off. Miranda, who believes herself to be either psychic or a psychologist - I can never remember which - has a theory about Andrex. “They’ve clearly been to see a shrink who told them to confront their obsession with poo,” she maintains. “They’ve been repressing it for years, using puppies and the like, and now they can’t stop talking about it.” We all agree that their “Which way do you shit?” Facebook campaign may be a step too far towards bodily function openness in marketing.
Coke, meanwhile, is tying itself in communication knots trying to say that it makes us fat but in a happy sort of way, so we need to do some happy exercise to go with it. To my mind, the only thing that goes with Coca-Cola is a large measure of Havana Club, after which exercise becomes more enthusiastic but less co-ordinated. Oddly, they don’t specify how many calories are burned off by happy sex, which would surely help boost sales. We tried pitching this in on ‘Fluffdump’, a new crowdsourcing platform for PR ideas, but it automatically filters out anything illegal, dishonest or untruthful, rendering the whole system pretty much useless.