The news that it’s time (again) for a fresh attack on obesity has inspired Karoline (with a K), who has first-hand expertise in the subject, though she blames “big bones.” She has revived the ‘Oi Fatso’ campaign and is now hawking it to the “movers, shakers, contacts, darling” she knows at the COI and DH. She tried this a couple of years ago (Oi Fatso… put down the doughnuts!) but our offices were picketed by a group of militant fatbians who rather frightened the clients (and us).

Anyway, among the key virtues she claims are campaignability (in other words, it’s quite easy to come up with new lines of abuse and charge more fees) and the opportunity to keep things topical (and charge more fees). So this week she would be running ‘Oi Fatso… don’t go to Croydon’ ads. This is actually sound advice at any time but is given extra currency for lard lovers with the news that, according to K (who may have misheard) Geoff Boycott and Boris Becker have got together to persuade all the retailers in Croydon to turn it into a fat-free food zone. Rosie Boycott and Boris Johnson presumably have better things to do.

That swathes of South London could become a shopping wasteland (rather than just a wasteland) is worrying, though Co-op shoppers might not notice the difference. Bravely, the former store chain of the people is introducing intelligent trollies to monitor customer feedback. This seems unnecessarily cruel to the trollies. You just have to hope they won’t take it personally.

Miranda arrives breathless to the office to report that WH Smith is running a two-for-one offer on boxes of Prestat premium chocs. There goes another brand. Oi Fatso… the premium products aren’t meant for you!