Sainsbury's local

We retailers don’t always acquire a reputation for compassion. I’ve thought long and hard about this and I think it’s because of our overall unpleasantness towards customers, suppliers, competitors and, well, the entire human race if you come to think about it. Which I rarely do.

But I can’t help feeling just a little sorry for that nice Mr Coupe at Sainsbury’s (£508m, -8.2%). Although there are eight Sainsbury’s Locals within a mile of my humble little Westminster emporium, he just doesn’t seem to be able to compete, does he?

Part of the problem, I suspect, is that he’s having to remember to think and smile at the same time, and the other part is that selling food seems to have become something of a distraction. You know, what with all the shutting down branches of Argos and the global houmous crisis.

It’s as much as Pat can do to carry on remembering to keep the milk chiller stocked, never mind having to deliver on all five pillars of my core strategy, whatever that means. The more I think about it, the more Mr Coupe, Mr Lewis, Mr Potts and their friends start to sound like my esteemed political clientele. Perhaps if Mr Coupe got that lovely Ms Abbott in to help him with his accounting then things would look a little better.

Talking of politicians, Mrs May stopped by to say there was no need to change any of her regular orders to no 10 after June 8, which was kind of her. She does seem rather confident of success, and has a steel in her eyes that reminded me just a little of Mme Le Pen. I’m not saying Mrs May is in any way delusional or has a Joan of Arc complex, mind. That would be unkind, and quite possibly untrue.