I may not be all that bright, but if we’ve learned anything at all from Brexit it’s that this is no obstacle to making your voice heard. It’s called democracy, and it reassures me greatly whenever I begin to despair about the quality of my customer base, who when they’re not haggling over the cost of Bombay Bad Boy Pot Noodles (£1.50) or Canesten (£7.95 on a Pat’s Mart Link Save) are running the country.
Everyone was getting very excited this week because Mrs May was going to get up in assembly and tell them what Brexit really means. So I tuned in my trusty Roberts Rambler radio in caramel leather and listened very hard. It turns out that Brexit means Brexit, which is reassuring to all of us who thought it might mean some kind of glue, perhaps for sticking Mrs May’s party together even though they don’t like each other much.
Anyway, it also means sticking up for yourself, not paying lots of money to petty bureaucrats and politicians, and generally being British.
Mrs May - who I have to say cuts quite a dash as the centrefold of this month’s Vogue (£3.99) in that slinky blackout curtain with the ninja disc necklace - made it absolutely clear that we Britons don’t have to pay dues to anyone, even when it’s obviously a good idea.
Which got me thinking. Well, Mrs Thatcher always tried to run the country as if it were a grocery store, so why not the other way round? From now on, I’m refusing to pay taxes, obey politicians, judges or the police, or take part in society in anyway except when, say, I stand to benefit.
This might seem foolhardy but I held a little referendum with myself, and I was 100% in favour. After all, Paxit means Paxit.